estranged…..I wasn’t aware there was a word to capture the emotion.
At first I shied away from using it, hiding it like a bad scar underneath layers of fabric.Maybe it was the eyes that gave it away, or that forced smile. May be it was that I held my head too high, or didn’t have anyone calling me to find out what time I will be home.
estranged….I started getting comfortable with it.
No longer a scar, it was a shield now. I used it to protect, conserve, and deflect. An exercise in self preservation. Yielded every time my conviction or perseverance was challenged. Too young they said.
estranged…it then became a badge.
I grew comfortable with it. It slipped out with ease and let them know I was at peace with it. The effortlessness of using the word made some cringe, left others shocked at how normal it was for me to use it.
estranged….it became redundant.
I didn’t need to use the word no more. I had allowed the scar to be part of the past. As I let myself be at peace with it, the confused looks disappeared, the quizzical open ended questions stopped and it just became another word.
This weeks Urdu Shayari is called The ‘Use By Date’ By Gulzar that appears in his book Neglected Poems. He mentions how medicines putrefy after their use by date, just like words I would say.
Woh jo ek miyaad thi na -By Gulzar
Woh jo ek miyaad thi na
Woh guzar chuki!!
Dava ki shishiyon par likhi jaati hai is liye
Miyaad baad istamaal karne se
Davayiyan bhi baasi hone lagti hai
Phir koyi ilaaj kar nahin paati
Phir bhi tark na huyi toh zeher banne lagti hai.
Baasi ho chuke mazhabon kai aitakaad sab
woh jo ek miyaad thi na, istamaal ki
Woh guzar chuki.