Tag Archives: desires

Ambivalence


Enjoying a cup of steaming coffee
Looking outside at the rather unchanged view from my balcony
The mind wanders to the hills and its moss covered  pathways,
A longing for the cool winds and smell of the earth takes over.

Late at night on the rooftop looking at the city slowly going to sleep
Wondering what someone is doing inside their home on the 29th floor,
The mind wanders to the night bazaars far away that are brimming with precious metals, native foods and colorful puppets,
A desire for the bustle, unknown smells and exotic deserts envelops you.

Sitting inside the taxi while stuck in traffic waiting for the lights to turn green,
Staring at the timer as it runs out before you can make the zebra crossing,
The azure waters of a cove tucked at the end of the beach enters the mind’s eye
The heart pines for the touch of soft sand and tickling sea breeze.

A quiet, stress-free and well rested weekend inside a coffee plantation comes to an end
You watch time move slowly and gaze at the rain that drenches the earth around the clock,
That familiar crossroad that leads to home comes to mind,
You look forward to being back at your balcony sipping that all too familiar coffee, and smile at the thought of the view being unchanged.

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The heart never fails to create desires that allow us the momentary relief that comes from escape.  A feeling of ambivalence, wishing to be else where but here and then awaiting the mundane, the regular routine and humdrum of our lives.

This poem by Gulzar talks about the leaf that never left and died on its branch. Every time I leave the comfort of home to a new adventure, the heart skips a beat, the fear of the unknown, uncertainties and ambivalent feelings envelope me, but as every traveler must, I don’t let the voices get too loud, lest I become like the lone leaf.

Tehni par bhetha tha woh

-By Gulzar

Tehni par bhetha tha woh
Niche talaab tha paani ka aur,
talaab ke andar aasmaan tha
dubne se dar lagta tha
na tera, na udha, na duba
teni par hi bethe-bethe bil-akhir woh sukh gaya!
Ek akela shakh ka patta!

One lone Leaf
Translation by Pavan Verma

It was perched on a branch
Below were the waters of a lake,
And underneath lay the sky,
It was afraid of being drowned
But….
It neither swam, nor drowned, nor flew away
It just sat on the branch and finally wilted
One leaf on a branch!

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Chaavi


Spoiler alert: the poetry of the masters does not feature in this post.  Instead it’s me, myself and a few words written way past midnight.

I first encountered individualism when I got acquainted with Howard Roark. The queen of individualism, Ayn Rand was definitely one of the many writers I held close to my heart as a young girl just starting college.

An individual’s opinions, their choices and their struggles are unique, although subjective and yet a fundamental right in my view.

Yet within our circle of family and friends we look for similarities. It gives us assurance that we aren’t bad, weird, or an anomaly. Or may be a sense of pride that our tribe grows, that feeling that we are a powerful force and bask in that feeling of oneness.

As a parent we wish to see our chaavi, our reflection in our offspring.  We hope they have the same desires like we did and we hope that they fulfill them even if we didn’t.  Even the most progressive parent sometimes finds themselves wishing…..

But can there be a complete another just like you…..? Or even better than you, ala version 2.0. And are we often disappointed when they are not?

That is a mystery unsolved.

Celebrating uniqueness and individualism with these words….. Inspired by some fiercely independent individuals I know. People who bask in being different in quiet ways, by simply being themselves.

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Deep blue

Transliteration

Har us khwaaab mein ek woh  chamakta sitara ho,
Jo har ek sitare se alag aur ajeeb ho,
Tumhara ek ankh ho, ek tumhari chaya ho,
Usme ham jesi anokhi ek chahat ho.

Leken tum alag si chahat ho,
jis ka na koi saccha aaina hai,
Na koi tum jaisa koi kalakaar hai,

Agar tum ho toh Uski wajah sirf ek hai,
Tumhari wajood ki haqeeqat ek paheli hai,
Jis ka raaz sirf unhi ko pata hai.
Jisse pehle kisi unkahi,unsuni poorani kahani mein mulakaat huyi hai

Translation

You wish in your dream of a sparkling star,
Different and distinctive that all the other stars around,
That is a small part of you, that is a reflection of you,
And that in it lie desires just like your desires.

But you are a unique desire,
One that is captured by no true mirror.
There is no star that is a performer like you.

You are you.
And the only reason for that,
Is that the reality of your existence is a riddle,
Whose secret is known only by those who you have encountered in an old unheard and untold story before.

I found this lovely poem of Rumi recited by Tilda Swinton….. Like this. 

I simply love it…